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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Greatest Sports Rivalries

Approaching a weekend schedule full of heated rivals facing off on the gridiron, Onion Sports breaks down the most storied rivalries in the athletic world:

  • Amherst College vs. Williams College: These two small liberal arts schools have the saddest little football rivalry. Just look at it. So sad.
  • Real Madrid vs. Barcelona: Hundreds of millions of fans across the world watch this annual matchup of two teams kicking a little soccer ball all around the field
  • Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Baltimore Ravens: Intense AFC rivalry that the Steelers officially won in 2008
  • Federer vs. Nadal: This fierce and storied tennis rivalry between the Federer and Nadal families first originated in 1836 when Fabian Federer and Gerard Nadal played their first match
  • Kansas City Royals vs. San Diego Chargers: Despite playing in different regions of the country and in different sports, these teams have despised each other for decades
  • Auburn vs. Alabama: Them two teams don’t much like one another at all, anyone who done seen that there Iron Bowl in person’ll tell ya that. Ain’t no bigger game in the great state of Alabama, and any red-blooded Alabamian who tells ya different is just plain lyin’ to hisself.
  • Affirmed vs. Alydar: This heated rivalry between two of the greatest thoroughbreds the horse-racing circuit has ever seen was only slightly undercut by the fact that neither horse had any idea what was going on at any time
  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The players in this one truly hate each other
  • Shirts vs. Skins: One of the most treasured rivalries in all of sports, the Shirts currently lead the Skins in all-time wins, 6,917,223 to 6,714,021
  • Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees: As much as these two fan bases may despise one another, the rest of America finds it difficult to decide whom they love more
  • Montreal Canadiens vs. Boston Bruins: No information on this rivalry was available

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