Green Day's 'American Idiot' Musical Opens

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Vol 46 Issue 17

PNC Park Sold Out For 'Fan Euthanasia Night'

PITTSBURGH—PNC Park boasted a rare sellout crowd Tuesday when more than 38,000 eager Pirates fans showed up for "Fan Euthanasia Night," during which each attendee was guaranteed "the sweet release of a quick and painless death" c...

Player Drafted At Linebacker To Start At Realtor

OAKLAND, CA—The Raiders organization welcomed sixth-round draft choice Travis Goethel Wednesday and said the Arizona State linebacker would more than likely be asked to start as a Bay-area Realtor by the beginning of next season.

Money Spent For Old Time's Sake

BROCKWAY, PA—Harkening back to an abandoned custom that had long existed only in memory, 28-year-old unemployed graphic designer Leslie Gordon exchanged currency for physical goods at a local shopping establishment Friday.
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RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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Green Day's 'American Idiot' Musical Opens

A stage adaptation of Green Day's 2004 album American Idiot opened on Broadway last week. Here are some of the plot highlights from this boy-pursuing-his-dreams-in-the-big-city story:

  • A towering crescendo, rotating stage platform, and flashing klieg lights simulate the simultaneous pain and elation of having one's nose pierced
  • Love interest reveals she's a Bush supporter moments too late, when the couple has just finished making love and singing about it
  • The chorus refuses to stay on stage just because that's what they were told to do, so they totally mosh in the aisles as punk-colored balloons fall
  • Early hit "Hitchin' A Ride" is performed with plenty of vocal razzle-dazzle as originally intended
  • Main character calls everything he likes "Tré Cool!"
  • The Angel of Punk Rock turns out to be a disfigured roadie who lives in an underground lair beneath the old CBGB
  • Chorus dancers wearing leotards with the letters D, U, and H never manage to line up properly
  • The protagonist ultimately realizes that fulfillment doesn't come from rigid societal conformism, but from a mild, inoffensive brand of nonconformism that is easily digestible—even widely marketable—to the masses
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