adBlockCheck

Sports

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
End Of Section
  • More News

Greenlit Sports Movies Of 2009

With the recent success of a number of sports movies, Hollywood is once again prepared to cash in at the box office. Here are the latest projects to begin production:

  • Norm Gaby, Dorm Baby: USC freshman Dave Gaby has no choice but to live in the dorms with his 1-year-old son, Norm, and boy is he surprised when Norm becomes the Trojans' new kicker and reason for their championship dreams
  • Untitled "Underdog Overcomes All Odds" project: Release date and sport TBD
  • Rolling Pins: Max and Charles are the best video-game bowlers of all time, but what happens when they get sucked into the game?
  • Talmudders: Jonah Hill, a foul-mouthed coach of a Hebrew school's pee-wee football team, teaches the group of overweight, wimpy, and neurotic players to swear
  • Tar: Hollywood jazzes up the real-life story of the George Brett pine-tar game by having Brett boil Yankees manager Billy Martin in a boiling vat of tar
  • Dead Coach: After Portland Trailblazers coach Buster McManus has a fatal heart attack in the locker room before the season opener, the players attempt to convince the NBA he's still alive by propping him up for games, drawing up plays, and rewarding themselves with huge contracts and trades to contenders
  • WHIP: Walks and Hits per Innings Puppy: Homer, the golden retriever with an eye for pitching statistics, proves in the big game that the old-fashioned, no-good sabermetricians have overvalued off-speed pitches in 2-1 situations
  • The Prince Fielder Diaries: An awkward and overweight cleanup hitter on an average team learns that he's the heir to the throne of Batvia
  • The Wrestler 2: Leaving off where the first film ended, Randy "The Ram" wins his match; enjoys a satisfying shower; meets Cassidy, the erotic dancer, in the lobby; and then walks out to the parking lot, where he collapses and dies
  • 4th and 98: Oh jeez, it doesn't look like the Pudgington Beavers are going to get that first down they want so much

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close