adBlockCheck

Politics

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Group Blasts Pork-Barrel Spending

The watchdog group Citizens Against Government Waste has released its latest edition of the "Pig Book," a list of government earmark spending the organization considers egregious. Here are some of the expenditures cited by the report:

Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-NE), $1,000 to buy every seat in a Lincoln, NE cineplex so he could watch National Treasure: Book Of Secrets in peace

Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), $6,500 for larger Congressional Softball League hats

Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), $20: Federal Nutrition Assistance Program for Senators Who Forgot Their Wallets

Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT), $10 million to build a one-mile, 20-lane highway outside of Salt Lake City

Sen. George Voinovich (R-OH), $15 million: erection of a Barbasol museum

Rep. Mike Castle (R-DE), $19 million: free-clam program to benefit people who have never eaten clams

Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), $2.8 million for increased Sen. Amy Klobuchar awareness

Rep. Diane Watson (D-CA), $100 billion to establish a National Aeronautics and Space Administration program

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close