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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Growing Number Of Americans Distrust Census

Despite the fact that the 2010 Census form is the shortest in recent history, some anti-government activists are refusing to answer any question besides the number of people in their household.

What information are they trying to keep private?

  • Anything that evokes a little bit of mystery, and rekindles that old spark between us and the Census Bureau
  • How often on-again, off-again boyfriend was shacking up
  • That they can't remember new offspring's name
  • How many times they ordered some Time-Life item off television only to claim it never arrived, demand a new set, and then return that one for a full refund
  • That they are Osama bin Laden
  • That they prefer to sleep in a Vaseline-lined thermal pouch
  • Whether they rent or own their heavily armed secessionist compound
  • Their DNA sequence, which, according to multiple credible websites, the Census collects from saliva on the return-envelope adhesive and then adds to a secret government database

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