The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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Guide To Building Your Personal Brand

With the internet becoming more central to people’s personal and professional lives, it’s more important than ever for individuals to build a “personal brand” that markets themselves to the online community. Here are some tips for cultivating a personal brand:

  • Create a professional website to show off the work that has failed to get you hired
  • Build a fan base by loudly inserting yourself in the public sphere
  • Ask yourself what really makes you you. Is it your desperate need for validation? Or your complete lack of shame when it comes to self-promotion?
  • Do everything you can to hide that op-ed you wrote for your college newspaper
  • Sign up for a Google Plus account to experiment with social media strategies before trying them out on users
  • People love raw, unfiltered personalities, so try to meticulously cultivate the impression that you have one of those
  • Get out in front of this whole “sex lair” thing
  • Remember that the internet is a meritocracy where the best, most innovative ideas win, so try to be as physically attractive as possible
  • Patiently build your personal brand brick by brick with engaging posts and thoughtful content that is meaningful to your audience. If that fails, start insulting celebrities on Twitter.

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