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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Gun Laws Passed This Year

In the past year, over 100 bills pertaining to firearms have been passed at the state level, nearly two-thirds of which have loosened restrictions on gun ownership. Here are some of the notable gun laws enacted this year:

  • Virginia: Those purchasing guns must present valid form of ID or plausible-sounding explanation for why they cannot
  • Alabama: Allows gun owners to carry concealed racial biases
  • New Mexico: Requires mandatory safety program to train gun owners in the precise method of dancing around bullets being fired at their feet
  • Mississippi: Residents allowed to own any weapon they can securely tuck into the waist of their pants
  • Massachusetts: Requires all bullets be hand-thrown
  • Indiana: Strengthens requirements for state officials to look the other goddamn way
  • South Dakota: New law allows for one good, clean shot at Mount Rushmore
  • Texas: Empowers gun owners to preemptively kill any politician attempting to pass a law infringing on their rights
  • Florida: Gun owners permitted to do anything as long as they have good enough lawyer
  • Pennsylvania: Officially recognizes how sad all of this is
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