Halloween Origins

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Vol 46 Issue 43

Desperate NFL Needs Big Win To Turn Season Around

NEW YORK—After eight weeks of play with no teams emerging as clear front-runners, the National Football League desperately needs at least one spectacular win to salvage its lackluster season, sources confirmed Monday.

Townsfolk Strongly Prefer Man's Werewolf Incarnation

BLACK FOREST, GERMANY—Townsfolk told reporters Tuesday that they can't wait for the next full moon, as they much prefer the bloodthirsty lycanthropic form of "insufferable" local blacksmith Hans Meyer, who was bitten by a werewolf eight mo...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Kids Love When Mom Sad Enough To Just Order Pizza

FORT WORTH, TX—Saying they get their hopes up anytime they notice her looking particularly downhearted, siblings Paulo and Marisa Hernandez told reporters Wednesday they love it when their mother is sad enough to just order pizza.

Halloween Origins

Every Oct. 31, children dress in a variety of popular costumes and go door-to-door collecting candy. Here's where that Halloween tradition, and several others, came from:

  • Haunted Houses are based on Victorian England's "Scare Manors," places where children who didn't mine enough coal were sent as punishment
  • Giving children candy at the door began when early American settlers realized it was a lot easier than talking to kids about the meaning of death
  • Much like people today, pre-Christian pagans would throw toilet parchment all over the tree outside their mean alchemy teacher's house.
  • Jack-o'-lanterns first debuted in 1981 as part of a marketing scheme to promote Monsanto's invention of the pumpkin
  • The song "Monster Mash" borrows its melody from a medieval Gregorian All Saints' Day chant entitled "I Worketh In The Abbey Into The Darkness One Night (O Monster Of Salvation)"
  • Bobbing for apples was originated at a Halloween party by a group of people who were patronizing an armless friend
  • In 1928, Nathaniel Darder of Worcester was the first guy to give out treats in a strategically loosened bathrobe
  • According to modern-day Wiccans, most of today's Halloween traditions are actually blah, blah, blah
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