adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

Handicapping The 2008 Belmont Stakes

The last race of the 2008 Triple Crown brings the prospect of the first Triple Crown winner in 30 years. Onion Sports rates at all the top horses:

Big Brown, 2/7: Look for Big Brown to win the Triple Crown and unite a divided nation behind his tenacity, athleticism, and grace; or do none of that by losing

Casino Drive, 9/2: Longtime horseplayers say this moderate underdog is the smart bet, but that's exactly the kind of thing those rumpled, worn-out romantics like to spout; just go listen to Tom Waits for a while if you don't know what we mean

Denis Of Cork, 12/1: The racing circuit's worst-kept secret is that Denis Of Cork has been going easy in his last few races to hide the fact that he is actually a rebodied 1985 Camaro Z-28

Tale Of Ekati, 20/1: Great-grandsire was Mr. Prospector; need we say more?

Behindatthebar, 25/1: Raised by the fly-by-night Padua Stables, bred by Dr. Frank Justice and Meadow Oaks Farm LLC, who can't breed for shit, and trained by Todd Pletcher, the worst trainer of all time, Behindatthebar is a born loser and is bound to place, at best

Anak Nakal, 50/1: Facing an uphill climb as jockey Rafael Bejarano will be weighing in at a disgusting 110 pounds

Macho Again, 50/1: Quick, agile, and eager, but may not have recovered the sheer power he had when he raced under the moniker of "Macho In The First Place"

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close