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Hangover Cures

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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Hangover Cures

The holidays are a traditional time for overindulgence in alcohol. Here are some of the more common hangover cures:

  • Take a shower; it will feel pretty good, and when you throw up in there, you have less cleaning to do
  • Side two of Billy Joel's The Nylon Curtain
  • Upon waking up, text "ughhhhhh" to anyone you saw the night before
  • Smoke every salvageable cigarette dangling from ashtray
  • Percocet, fresh-squeezed orange juice, The Wire
  • Smash some raw eggs on the ground. It will not help your hangover, but it's fun, and the most important thing in life is fun
  • Beat self up over missed chances, lost opportunities, broken promises; eat more pie
  • Inject electrolyte solution directly into each cell that hurts

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