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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.
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Highlights From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

Hillary Clinton’s new book Hard Choices arrived in stores yesterday, offering her personal account of the challenges she faced serving as Secretary of State. Here are some notable revelations from her memoir:

  • In a particularly open and honest moment, Clinton reveals that she disagrees with Obama about some things and agrees with him about others
  • Knows precise part of the ocean where Osama bin Laden’s corpse is at this very second
  • Refuses to disclose where the advisors from her 2008 presidential run are buried
  • Doesn’t see what’s so great about America
  • 20-page photo spread highlighting different celebrities she’s met, along with their autographs
  • Two chapters dedicated to 1999 assassination attempt
  • Describes an embarrassing snafu in which she wore her flag pin on her right lapel instead of her left, a common means in the homosexual community of signaling that one is “cruising”
  • Still believes Nancy Kerrigan deserved the gold in Lillehammer
  • Is confident the blood clot that sidelined her from duty in 2012 could return at any time, any place, leaving her a poor choice to be president of the United States

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Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.

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