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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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Highlights From Last Night’s Emmy Awards

The 65th annual Primetime Emmy Awards were held last night at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. Here are some of the most notable moments from this year’s ceremony:

  • Raucous standing ovation when curtain is lifted to reveal gigantic onstage mirror
  • Members of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences presents results of their two-year study, “The Influence of a Wildly Divergent B-Plot and its Overall Effect on Episodic Television Drama”
  • Slight, almost inaudible theme to Sanford And Son playing throughout evening
  • Dylan McDermott!!!!
  • Celebrity presenters do away with clippy, joke-heavy back-and-forths in favor of drawn-out conversations lasting as long as 15 minutes
  • “In Memoriam” reel includes quick shot of Tamerlan Tsarnaev
  • Per tradition, all the winners are announced at the beginning of the broadcast for people who don’t feel like watching the ceremony
  • Nathan Fillion folded his program into a fan
  • Behind the scenes, two producers lay the foundations for what will become the worst television show ever made
  • The Dooley family's Zenith B27A30ZC 27" TV from their den is honored with lifetime achievement award
  • White race cleans up
  • Breaking Bad receives the vindication that it desperately needed after five years of universal critical praise and obsessive adulation from millions of fans

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