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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.
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Highlights From Last Night’s Emmy Awards

The 65th annual Primetime Emmy Awards were held last night at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. Here are some of the most notable moments from this year’s ceremony:

  • Raucous standing ovation when curtain is lifted to reveal gigantic onstage mirror
  • Members of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences presents results of their two-year study, “The Influence of a Wildly Divergent B-Plot and its Overall Effect on Episodic Television Drama”
  • Slight, almost inaudible theme to Sanford And Son playing throughout evening
  • Dylan McDermott!!!!
  • Celebrity presenters do away with clippy, joke-heavy back-and-forths in favor of drawn-out conversations lasting as long as 15 minutes
  • “In Memoriam” reel includes quick shot of Tamerlan Tsarnaev
  • Per tradition, all the winners are announced at the beginning of the broadcast for people who don’t feel like watching the ceremony
  • Nathan Fillion folded his program into a fan
  • Behind the scenes, two producers lay the foundations for what will become the worst television show ever made
  • The Dooley family's Zenith B27A30ZC 27" TV from their den is honored with lifetime achievement award
  • White race cleans up
  • Breaking Bad receives the vindication that it desperately needed after five years of universal critical praise and obsessive adulation from millions of fans
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