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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Highlights From Last Night’s Grammys

The 56th annual Grammy Awards were held last night in Los Angeles and featured dozens of live performances and memorable musical collaborations. Here are some of the highlights from the biggest night in music:

  • Katy Perry stuns on red carpet with sizzling display of bipedal movement
  • Host LL Cool J reviews list of emergency exits and stairwells as per fire department regulations
  • Daft Punk spends the whole night avoiding an electrical outlet they briefly dated in 2009
  • Queen Latifah muttering “Burn in Hell, sodomites” is nearly picked up by microphone
  • Paul McCartney gets a chance to talk shop with Ryan Lewis
  • Mrs. Ostrovsky honored for best piano teacher
  • Once again, multiple men leaning into the same microphone sweep the Rock Album, Rock Performance, and Metal Performance categories
  • Video feed cuts to nonplussed Robert Christgau following every award announcement
  • Event organizers hold a touching “In Memoriam” segment for the music industry

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