adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Highlights From Michael Jordan's Personal Life

With Michael Jordan turning 50 on February 17, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the former NBA superstar’s private life. 

  • 1969: Upon witnessing a group of neighborhood kids play a pickup basketball game, a 6-year-old Jordan begins his lifelong love affair with gambling
  • 1985: In a flash of inspiration before the NBA season, Jordan decides to call his new shoes “Air Jordans” after the atmospheric gas that enables him to breathe during games
  • 1990s: Uses worldwide fame to promote American values of hyper-competitiveness and egomania
  • 1993: Works with video game developer Midway on alternate version of NBA Jam in which he is the only playable character
  • July 1993: Wins $2,000,000 bet that his father would be murdered at a rest area
  • 1995: 5-year-old son Jeffrey scores his first-ever basket in the driveway, after which Jordan goes on an unstoppable 184-0 run against him
  • 1996: Saves planet from near collapse at the hands of basketball-playing aliens, a haunting experience he later turned into an introspective, critically acclaimed independent film
  • 2006: Completes first-ever infidelity three-peat
  • 2009: During his NBA Hall of Fame speech, Jordan finally calls out Pat Riley, Jeff Van Gundy, Bryon Russell, and some guy who cut him off in traffic in 1987
  • 2010-2012: Plays for Charlotte Bobcats under the pseudonym Gerald Henderson

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close