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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Highlights From Michael Jordan's Personal Life

With Michael Jordan turning 50 on February 17, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from the former NBA superstar’s private life. 

  • 1969: Upon witnessing a group of neighborhood kids play a pickup basketball game, a 6-year-old Jordan begins his lifelong love affair with gambling
  • 1985: In a flash of inspiration before the NBA season, Jordan decides to call his new shoes “Air Jordans” after the atmospheric gas that enables him to breathe during games
  • 1990s: Uses worldwide fame to promote American values of hyper-competitiveness and egomania
  • 1993: Works with video game developer Midway on alternate version of NBA Jam in which he is the only playable character
  • July 1993: Wins $2,000,000 bet that his father would be murdered at a rest area
  • 1995: 5-year-old son Jeffrey scores his first-ever basket in the driveway, after which Jordan goes on an unstoppable 184-0 run against him
  • 1996: Saves planet from near collapse at the hands of basketball-playing aliens, a haunting experience he later turned into an introspective, critically acclaimed independent film
  • 2006: Completes first-ever infidelity three-peat
  • 2009: During his NBA Hall of Fame speech, Jordan finally calls out Pat Riley, Jeff Van Gundy, Bryon Russell, and some guy who cut him off in traffic in 1987
  • 2010-2012: Plays for Charlotte Bobcats under the pseudonym Gerald Henderson

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