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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Highlights From SXSW Interactive

The interactive portion of the South by Southwest festival concluded yesterday in Austin, TX. Here is a look back at the top moments from this year’s event:

  • Enterprising attendees save time by pronouncing festival’s name as Six-Saw
  • Handshake that will someday lead to two Chapter 11 bankruptcies occurs
  • Everyone with real job stays home
  • 250,000th time someone mentions they could totally see themselves living in Austin for a few years at least
  • Happy hour where Pete from tech talked to some guy who works at Facebook
  • Everyone unknowingly networks with exact same people from last year’s festival
  • Organizers print up a few hundred more “Bryce” nametags
  • The festival once again honors veterans in its field when 22-year-old Android app developer Josh Nathe is given the SXSW Lifetime Achievement Award
  • Seventy tons of Fuze Beverage promotional iPhone cases trucked to Austin-area landfill
  • The game—the whole game, all of it—completely changed. The future is here. The future is now.

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