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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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Highlights From The 2010 Winter Olympics

As the 21st Winter Games draw to a close, we look back on moments that will live on in Olympic history:

  • Hannah Kearney brings Team USA its first gold medal after spotting one in a display case when no one else was around
  • As the crowds cheered uproariously and the judges scored the run, no one really questioned the fact that Shaun White just kept floating upward on that last jump
  • An unnamed but courageous Olympic athlete is bold enough to give the peace sign while on camera
  • After winning the gold in men's free skating, American Evan Lysacek raises the flag of the Czech Republic because he went there on vacation last year and had a really great time
  • U.S. men's cross-country ski team finishes ninth after losing interest and heading toward the ski-jump ramp
  • Over the course of two weeks, every male athlete at the games attempts to get into a playful snowball fight with Tanith Belbin
  • NHL commissioner Gary Bettman makes an appearance and asks organizers if he can have any leftover pucks
  • Chinese athletes turn in geometrically exact, technically precise performances in snowboarding events, proving that they can be heartless automatons at just about anything

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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