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Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Highlights From The 2010 Winter Olympics

As the 21st Winter Games draw to a close, we look back on moments that will live on in Olympic history:

  • Hannah Kearney brings Team USA its first gold medal after spotting one in a display case when no one else was around
  • As the crowds cheered uproariously and the judges scored the run, no one really questioned the fact that Shaun White just kept floating upward on that last jump
  • An unnamed but courageous Olympic athlete is bold enough to give the peace sign while on camera
  • After winning the gold in men's free skating, American Evan Lysacek raises the flag of the Czech Republic because he went there on vacation last year and had a really great time
  • U.S. men's cross-country ski team finishes ninth after losing interest and heading toward the ski-jump ramp
  • Over the course of two weeks, every male athlete at the games attempts to get into a playful snowball fight with Tanith Belbin
  • NHL commissioner Gary Bettman makes an appearance and asks organizers if he can have any leftover pucks
  • Chinese athletes turn in geometrically exact, technically precise performances in snowboarding events, proving that they can be heartless automatons at just about anything
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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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