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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Highlights From The First Half Of The NFL Season

Surprising teams came up big, new stars emerged, and coaches were fired by the handful. Onion Sports looks at pro football so far:

After a poor first half of the season, Chad Ocho Cinco changes his name to Dale Swink and gets a job as a glass manufacturer

Kerry Collins exceeds everyone's expectations, as it was widely thought that he, not Vince Young, would be the first Titans quarterback to experience severe, crippling depression

With a respectable start this season, quarterback Kyle Orton shows that he represents the Bears' best chance at growing a beard

In an odd coaching move that echoes his controversial Super Bowl XXXII strategy, Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren instructs his defense to just let opposing teams score during the first five weeks so they can get the ball back

Falcons rookie quarterback Matt Ryan adds a modern, intelligent touch to the game by bringing his laptop into every huddle

Brett Favre's continuing Hail Mary passes to the wrong team are vindicated by the fact that he currently plays for the wrong team

In an embarrassing moment for Lions fans, Dan Orlovsky runs out to the field to play quarterback

After the Philadelphia defense realizes its eighth sack of the game has killed Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger, the Eagles proceed to carry him around everywhere and pretend that he's alive

The press continues to go easy on Tom Brady, who has thrown for a disappointing 76 yards with no touchdowns all season

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