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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Highlights Of Ben Roethlisberger’s Wedding

Steelers quarterback Big Ben Roethlisberger will marry Ashley Harlan this Saturday in what is already being touted as Pittsburgh's royal wedding. Here's what to expect:

  • Roethlisberger reads his vows off his wristband
  • Bride's family gives witness statements to police outside the church
  • All 500 guests are truly touched by the bride and groom and maid of honor’s first triple-kiss
  • Speech from the maid of honor basically a last-ditch plea for rational thought
  • First extramarital affair occurs two hours into the reception under table 17
  • Best man speech bombs, as it is just a horrifying account of groom's previous assaults
  • After the cake-cutting, everyone overhears Roethlisberger telling his new wife, “I want to smear this all over your tits”
  • An extremely awkward silence occurs when Steelers owner Dan Rooney insists there be at least one African-American woman in the crowd waiting to catch the bouquet

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