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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Highlights Of Benedict XVI's Papacy

After nearly eight years heading the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI will retire from the papacy on Thursday. Here are some of the most notable moments of Benedict’s service to the Church:

  • Aug. 22, 1981: Coins and popularizes the phrase “big man upstairs”
  • Mar. 14, 1993: After being promoted to bishop, an ambitious Joseph Ratzinger makes a number of shrewd diagonal moves in pursuit of the papacy
  • Apr. 20, 2005: One day after his election, Vatican observers report that it’s pretty obvious that the pope is not into this
  • Dec. 25, 2005: Benedict causes an uproar by wearing Prada shoes, a red cape, and nothing else to Christmas mass
  • Feb. 18, 2006: Benedict upholds longstanding Church doctrine barring horses from becoming priests
  • Nov. 30, 2006: The pope thinks he hears God’s voice, but it turns out to be the heat coming on
  • Mar. 14–Apr. 26, 2009: Hinduism phase
  • Nov. 10, 2011: A group of young archbishops learn tons of cool new curse words in Latin while watching Benedict tumble down a flight of stairs
  • Feb. 28, 2013: Turns in his badge and gun
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