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Highlights Of George Steinbrenner's Reign

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Highlights Of George Steinbrenner's Reign

His legacy is a strange mixture of winning baseball and strained relationships, but there's no denying George Steinbrenner was a colorful and remarkable man. We remember his defining moments.

  • 1973: Within the first months of Steinbrenner's ownership, Yankees manager Ralph Houk is overwhelmed by an inexplicable desire to resign
  • 1975: Steinbrenner fires Billy Martin 16 times during the job interview
  • 1983: Though Dave Righetti pitches a no-hitter against the Red Sox for Steinbrenner's 52nd birthday, the Yankees owner is upset because he really wanted the new Eurythmics album
  • 1985: In a special ceremony at Yankee Stadium, Steinbrenner presents manager Yogi Berra with an oversized pink slip
  • 1989: The modern era of the Republican Party is entirely encapsulated in one pen stroke as Ronald Reagan pardons George Steinbrenner for his illegal contributions to the Richard Nixon campaign
  • 1990: The Yankees reach an agreement to pay a stipend to Major League Baseball in exchange for allowing Steinbrenner to say whatever the hell he wants
  • 2004: Pretty much acts like a cock the entire year
  • 2009: Steinbrenner's fading health becomes impossible to ignore as he asks his nurse over and over if she has found any dirt on Dave Winfield yet
  • 2010: With his dying breath, Steinbrenner encourages his sons to charge fans by the inning

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