adBlockCheck

Sports

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
End Of Section
  • More News

Highlights Of George Steinbrenner's Reign

His legacy is a strange mixture of winning baseball and strained relationships, but there's no denying George Steinbrenner was a colorful and remarkable man. We remember his defining moments.

  • 1973: Within the first months of Steinbrenner's ownership, Yankees manager Ralph Houk is overwhelmed by an inexplicable desire to resign
  • 1975: Steinbrenner fires Billy Martin 16 times during the job interview
  • 1983: Though Dave Righetti pitches a no-hitter against the Red Sox for Steinbrenner's 52nd birthday, the Yankees owner is upset because he really wanted the new Eurythmics album
  • 1985: In a special ceremony at Yankee Stadium, Steinbrenner presents manager Yogi Berra with an oversized pink slip
  • 1989: The modern era of the Republican Party is entirely encapsulated in one pen stroke as Ronald Reagan pardons George Steinbrenner for his illegal contributions to the Richard Nixon campaign
  • 1990: The Yankees reach an agreement to pay a stipend to Major League Baseball in exchange for allowing Steinbrenner to say whatever the hell he wants
  • 2004: Pretty much acts like a cock the entire year
  • 2009: Steinbrenner's fading health becomes impossible to ignore as he asks his nurse over and over if she has found any dirt on Dave Winfield yet
  • 2010: With his dying breath, Steinbrenner encourages his sons to charge fans by the inning

More from this section

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close