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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Highlights Of Mariano Rivera’s Career

With the 43-year-old Yankees relief pitcher retiring, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from Mariano Rivera’s 19 seasons in the MLB.

  • 1995: Promoted to big leagues after two years as George Steinbrenner’s valet
  • 1997: Records first strikeout
  • 1999: Walks out to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” for the first time after his original entrance song choice of “Meat Hook Sodomy” by Cannibal Corpse is rejected by Yankees management
  • 1999: Famously calls his shot in Game 3 of the World Series, pointing directly to home plate before delivering a perfect strike
  • 2002: Closes out David Wells’ bar tab and drives him home a record 26 times in one season
  • 2003: Really starts to get into baseball
  • 2004: By blowing Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, allows the Red Sox to go on to win World Series and thus remove any sympathy or solace baseball fans had for Boston
  • 2005: Called before Congress to laugh at all the guys on steroids he struck out
  • 2006: Got a bunch of strikes on a pretty windy day
  • 2010: Throws behind Yogi Berra’s head during annual Old Timer’s Day
  • 2012: Pretty impressed after looking at his career stats for first time
  • 2013: Enters retirement with the most dignity possible for a member of the New York Yankees

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