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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Highlights Of Mariano Rivera’s Career

With the 43-year-old Yankees relief pitcher retiring, Onion Sports examines the greatest moments from Mariano Rivera’s 19 seasons in the MLB.

  • 1995: Promoted to big leagues after two years as George Steinbrenner’s valet
  • 1997: Records first strikeout
  • 1999: Walks out to Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” for the first time after his original entrance song choice of “Meat Hook Sodomy” by Cannibal Corpse is rejected by Yankees management
  • 1999: Famously calls his shot in Game 3 of the World Series, pointing directly to home plate before delivering a perfect strike
  • 2002: Closes out David Wells’ bar tab and drives him home a record 26 times in one season
  • 2003: Really starts to get into baseball
  • 2004: By blowing Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS, allows the Red Sox to go on to win World Series and thus remove any sympathy or solace baseball fans had for Boston
  • 2005: Called before Congress to laugh at all the guys on steroids he struck out
  • 2006: Got a bunch of strikes on a pretty windy day
  • 2010: Throws behind Yogi Berra’s head during annual Old Timer’s Day
  • 2012: Pretty impressed after looking at his career stats for first time
  • 2013: Enters retirement with the most dignity possible for a member of the New York Yankees

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