Highlights Of Sports Victory Parades

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Vol 49 Issue 45

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games: Redskins at Vikings OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, i...

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Highlights Of Sports Victory Parades

1908: Chicago Cubs parade is notable for its low fan turnout, the team having already won a World Series title the year before

1946: Following a narrow defeat of the Axis, 13,000 starters for the 82nd Airborne Division proceed down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan before a throng of screaming fans of America

1982: Despite narrowly losing the Super Bowl to the San Francisco 49ers, the Cincinnati Bengals decide to go through with their parade celebration, because why the hell not

1991: Following his PGA Championship victory, an inebriated John Daly embarks on an impromptu parade celebration from the parking lot of Scully’s Tavern to the glass storefront of a nearby Walgreens

1994: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones informs Jimmy Johnson he is fired

1996: Every player on the NBA Championship–winning Chicago Bulls has an unlit cigar in his mouth and looks super badass

2001: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady spends entirety of parade with both hands on head, shaking it out of disbelief in slow-motion

2003: The budget-conscious Florida Marlins spend a couple of hours waving from a rental van circling downtown Miami

2007: The Super Bowl–winning New York Giants roll through the streets of Manhattan to the jubilant cheers of millions of fans from New Jersey

2009: The Pittsburgh Penguins are forced to reroute their Stanley Cup parade in order to search for a concussed and aloof Sidney Crosby

2011: The Dallas Mavericks are greeted by wild celebrations from roughly 300 million people during a cross-country victory parade after beating the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals

2014: Only 143 Brazilians are trampled to death in Rio de Janeiro during post–World Cup victory celebrations

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