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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Highlights Of Sports Victory Parades

1908: Chicago Cubs parade is notable for its low fan turnout, the team having already won a World Series title the year before

1946: Following a narrow defeat of the Axis, 13,000 starters for the 82nd Airborne Division proceed down Fifth Avenue in Manhattan before a throng of screaming fans of America

1982: Despite narrowly losing the Super Bowl to the San Francisco 49ers, the Cincinnati Bengals decide to go through with their parade celebration, because why the hell not

1991: Following his PGA Championship victory, an inebriated John Daly embarks on an impromptu parade celebration from the parking lot of Scully’s Tavern to the glass storefront of a nearby Walgreens

1994: Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones informs Jimmy Johnson he is fired

1996: Every player on the NBA Championship–winning Chicago Bulls has an unlit cigar in his mouth and looks super badass

2001: Patriots quarterback Tom Brady spends entirety of parade with both hands on head, shaking it out of disbelief in slow-motion

2003: The budget-conscious Florida Marlins spend a couple of hours waving from a rental van circling downtown Miami

2007: The Super Bowl–winning New York Giants roll through the streets of Manhattan to the jubilant cheers of millions of fans from New Jersey

2009: The Pittsburgh Penguins are forced to reroute their Stanley Cup parade in order to search for a concussed and aloof Sidney Crosby

2011: The Dallas Mavericks are greeted by wild celebrations from roughly 300 million people during a cross-country victory parade after beating the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals

2014: Only 143 Brazilians are trampled to death in Rio de Janeiro during post–World Cup victory celebrations

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