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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Man Doesn't Even Do Good Job At Sleeping

Along with his consistently poor performance at work and his general lack of common, everyday life skills, local man Corey White told reporters Thursday that he can't even do a good job at sleeping.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Highlights Of The 2007 U.S. Open

With the power invested in him as honorary tournament chairman, Arnold Palmer declares himself the winner of the 2007 U.S. Open

After missing his first putt on the practice green, David Duval packs up and leaves

Roger Federer shows up ready to go; leaves half an hour later feeling like a complete asshole

Meanwhile, as his peers play in the sport's greatest championship, John Daly is reduced to playing golf against a trained horse in Nashville for beer money and cigarettes

Gallery applauds Oakmont Golf Course for being so entertainingly difficult to golf on

After spraining his wrist hitting out of Oakmont's rough in a practice round, Phil Mickelson snaps his spinal cord after attempting to hit out of a sand trap

Tiger Woods' bright red shirt allows TV viewers to easily recognize him

Vijay Singh shoots grumpiest 14-over in U.S. Open history 

Top-notch coverage and insightful post-game interviews reveal that Woods and Cabrera were unhappy and happy, respectively, with the outcome of the tournament

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