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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Highlights Of The 2010 Iditarod

Alaska's Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race is a 1,161-mile spectacle of human courage and canine fortitude, and the 2010 race was an exceptional example.

  • Scott White finishes 10 days later than the other competitors after stopping the sled every two minutes to pick up all the dog shit
  • Kirk Barnum's sled veers 8,000 miles off course when his dogs pursue what turns out to be a leaf blown by the wind
  • Musher John Baker turns back after the first 100 yards, swearing he thought the Iditarod was more of a sprint
  • One week after the main event, more than 1,000 three-legged dogs set off on the first ever Paraditarod
  • After stopping at a checkpoint the first day, Linwood Fielder and his dogs stare blankly at each other in burgeoning silence as it dawns on them they have absolutely nothing in common
  • The struggling team of Henrietta's Hope, Tall Drink o' Water, Foreshortened, Fiddler's Green, Hollyhock, Plenipotentiary, Banknote, and musher Wee Scotty Donahugh once again prove that this is no race for thoroughbred horses
  • Immediately upon completion of the Iditarod, all dogs are rounded up and tossed into the Mushdog Shredder

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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