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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Highlights Of The 2010 Iditarod

Alaska's Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race is a 1,161-mile spectacle of human courage and canine fortitude, and the 2010 race was an exceptional example.

  • Scott White finishes 10 days later than the other competitors after stopping the sled every two minutes to pick up all the dog shit
  • Kirk Barnum's sled veers 8,000 miles off course when his dogs pursue what turns out to be a leaf blown by the wind
  • Musher John Baker turns back after the first 100 yards, swearing he thought the Iditarod was more of a sprint
  • One week after the main event, more than 1,000 three-legged dogs set off on the first ever Paraditarod
  • After stopping at a checkpoint the first day, Linwood Fielder and his dogs stare blankly at each other in burgeoning silence as it dawns on them they have absolutely nothing in common
  • The struggling team of Henrietta's Hope, Tall Drink o' Water, Foreshortened, Fiddler's Green, Hollyhock, Plenipotentiary, Banknote, and musher Wee Scotty Donahugh once again prove that this is no race for thoroughbred horses
  • Immediately upon completion of the Iditarod, all dogs are rounded up and tossed into the Mushdog Shredder

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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