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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Highlights Of The 2010 World Cup

The World Cup is over, Spain has been crowned champion, and we reflect on what made the whole tournament worthwhile.

  • Despite a 0-0 draw between Uruguay and France in the group stage, captivated fans across the world took delight in all the amazing plays that almost happened
  • Portugal scores 7 goals against North Korea after the goalkeeper makes a break for it, dashes into the crowd, runs up the stairs, and jumps over the side of the stadium
  • After taking an early 1-0 lead over Nigeria, Argentina beautifully milks the clock by taking 85 minutes to throw in the ball
  • Just when it seems the U.S. will once again disappoint in the World Cup, Landon Donovan scores a game-winning goal in extra time to ensure the U.S. won't disappoint until the next round
  • World Cup refereeing is heralded as a triumph of heartwarming human bumbling over the cold, unfeeling precision of error-free replay technology, reminding fans what sport is all about
  • The French squad's petulant infighting provides the world with a life-affirming reinforcement of national stereotypes
  • Although Spain's Xabi Alonso manages to walk off his cleats-to-the-chest injury in the final, his teammate is carried off the field after kicking himself in the foot to draw a penalty
  • The unrelenting, exasperating noise emanating from soccer crowds is finally drowned out, thanks to some cheap plastic horns

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