Highlights Of The 2010 World Cup

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Vol 46 Issue 28

ESPN Green-Lights 'The Decision' For 22 More Episodes

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN president George Bodenheimer announced Wednesday that the hour-long program The Decision, a melodrama about NBA superstar LeBron James declaring his intention to join the Miami Heat, has been green-lighted for an additional 22 episo...

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BOULDER, CO—"Boulder is the perfect place for me and the girls," said a local resident who asked that we refer to him only as Peter. "Trust me, we've lived all over: Sacramento, Reno, Tucson, Dallas, Orlando, northern Mexico for a few weeks, Dallas again, even Alaska. Nowhere else comes close."

Clinton Brought In On Economy

The White House announced Wednesday that it had enlisted former president Bill Clinton to reach out to businesses and encourage job creation.
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Highlights Of The 2010 World Cup

The World Cup is over, Spain has been crowned champion, and we reflect on what made the whole tournament worthwhile.

  • Despite a 0-0 draw between Uruguay and France in the group stage, captivated fans across the world took delight in all the amazing plays that almost happened
  • Portugal scores 7 goals against North Korea after the goalkeeper makes a break for it, dashes into the crowd, runs up the stairs, and jumps over the side of the stadium
  • After taking an early 1-0 lead over Nigeria, Argentina beautifully milks the clock by taking 85 minutes to throw in the ball
  • Just when it seems the U.S. will once again disappoint in the World Cup, Landon Donovan scores a game-winning goal in extra time to ensure the U.S. won't disappoint until the next round
  • World Cup refereeing is heralded as a triumph of heartwarming human bumbling over the cold, unfeeling precision of error-free replay technology, reminding fans what sport is all about
  • The French squad's petulant infighting provides the world with a life-affirming reinforcement of national stereotypes
  • Although Spain's Xabi Alonso manages to walk off his cleats-to-the-chest injury in the final, his teammate is carried off the field after kicking himself in the foot to draw a penalty
  • The unrelenting, exasperating noise emanating from soccer crowds is finally drowned out, thanks to some cheap plastic horns

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