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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Highlights Of 'The Hobbit'

Excitement is building ahead of next week’s opening of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, the first in a three-part series based on the classic J.R.R. Tolkien fantasy novel. Here’s what to expect from the surefire blockbuster:

  • First 75 minutes of film to recap what happened in Lord Of The Rings trilogy
  • As it takes place decades in the past, all dwarves have flattops and denim jackets
  • Younger version of Gollum played by Channing Tatum
  • A well-placed record-scratch sound effect after Gandalf proposes Bilbo as key member of the expedition
  • Bilbo is forced to challenge Gollum to a game of one-on-one basketball
  • Since fans have had enough time to learn, Elvish language will not be subtitled
  • Bilbo’s hobbit-hole has wall-to-wall carpeting
  • Casting of actual wizards instead of actors playing wizards

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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