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Highlights Of UFC 111

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Highlights Of UFC 111

  • After winning by disqualification thanks to Greg Soto's illegal upkick, Matt Riddle celebrates by rolling his eyes back into his head and yammering gibberish
  • Mark Bocek is disqualified for a time delay when he is unable to choose between Disturbed and Staind for his entrance music
  • Fan in the crowd is given a random belt the UFC had just lying around after he beats the shit out of some other guy
  • Nate Diaz engages in muay Thai for a record eight seconds before just falling on the guy and punching the shit out of him as per usual
  • Knockout of the Night winner Shane Carwin stares at the $65,000 check in his hands, then at the prone, broken body of Frank Mir, and wonders if its all worth it
  • Dan Hardy summons the indefatigable power of his Britishness to lose the main event in a unanimous decision
  • Matthew Riddle signs a girl's chest using a fragment of his shattered tibia as a quill
  • In a new UFC record, only five eyeballs go unclaimed

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