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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Highlights Of UFC 111

  • After winning by disqualification thanks to Greg Soto's illegal upkick, Matt Riddle celebrates by rolling his eyes back into his head and yammering gibberish
  • Mark Bocek is disqualified for a time delay when he is unable to choose between Disturbed and Staind for his entrance music
  • Fan in the crowd is given a random belt the UFC had just lying around after he beats the shit out of some other guy
  • Nate Diaz engages in muay Thai for a record eight seconds before just falling on the guy and punching the shit out of him as per usual
  • Knockout of the Night winner Shane Carwin stares at the $65,000 check in his hands, then at the prone, broken body of Frank Mir, and wonders if its all worth it
  • Dan Hardy summons the indefatigable power of his Britishness to lose the main event in a unanimous decision
  • Matthew Riddle signs a girl's chest using a fragment of his shattered tibia as a quill
  • In a new UFC record, only five eyeballs go unclaimed

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