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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Historically Bad Sportsmanship

LeBron James raised some eyebrows when he walked off the court without shaking hands with the Magic, but it was hardly the worst display of sportsmanship ever seen.

1919: Moments after throwing the final game of the World Series, the bitter Chicago White Sox further disgrace the sport by refusing to say "good game" while shaking hands with the Cincinnati Reds

1973: Though she wins the Battle of the Sexes against male tennis player Bobby Riggs, Billie Jean King refuses to come to center court for the traditional French kiss

1973: During his fight with the Islanders' Gary Howatt, Flyers wing Dave Schultz doesn't stop at removing Howatt's jersey, but slowly and seductively removes his shorts, skates, and socks as well

1988: Angered at being a distant 80th pick in the NFL draft, Bill Romanowski punches NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle in the face

1991: Showing complete disregard for all things good and noble, Shawn Michaels callously attacks his own tag team partner, Marty Jannetty

1992: Jockey Jorge Chavez gets on the back of a horse and whips it repeatedly while forcing it to run as fast as it can

1994: O.J. Simpson murders his ex-wife

1997: Mike Tyson whispers some hurtful things into Evander Holyfield's ear while biting it off

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