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Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Historically Bad Sportsmanship

LeBron James raised some eyebrows when he walked off the court without shaking hands with the Magic, but it was hardly the worst display of sportsmanship ever seen.

1919: Moments after throwing the final game of the World Series, the bitter Chicago White Sox further disgrace the sport by refusing to say "good game" while shaking hands with the Cincinnati Reds

1973: Though she wins the Battle of the Sexes against male tennis player Bobby Riggs, Billie Jean King refuses to come to center court for the traditional French kiss

1973: During his fight with the Islanders' Gary Howatt, Flyers wing Dave Schultz doesn't stop at removing Howatt's jersey, but slowly and seductively removes his shorts, skates, and socks as well

1988: Angered at being a distant 80th pick in the NFL draft, Bill Romanowski punches NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle in the face

1991: Showing complete disregard for all things good and noble, Shawn Michaels callously attacks his own tag team partner, Marty Jannetty

1992: Jockey Jorge Chavez gets on the back of a horse and whips it repeatedly while forcing it to run as fast as it can

1994: O.J. Simpson murders his ex-wife

1997: Mike Tyson whispers some hurtful things into Evander Holyfield's ear while biting it off

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