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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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History Of The Westboro Baptist Church

According to one of his estranged sons, Fred Phelps, the founder and longtime leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, is in gravely ill health. Here is a look back at some of the milestone moments in his controversial church’s history:

  • 1929-2014: Fred Waldron Phelps is born, beginning a period of nearly 85 years during which not a single moment of doubt passes through his mind
  • 1951: Margie Simms, the future Mrs. Phelps, meets the love of her life
  • 1955-2014: Nobody cracks open a Bible
  • 1968: Jesus Christ personally visits Fred Phelps in one of his dreams and asks what the fuck is wrong with him
  • 1972-1979: The disco years
  • 1991: Westboro Baptist Church blasted after adopting slogan expressing what dozens of churches actually believe
  • 1994: Topeka residents admit they must hand it to Westboro Baptist Church for ending all that gay cruising in Gage Park
  • 1999: In return for years of loyal patronage, church receives 200 free “God hates fags” posters from local Kinko’s
  • 2010: An increasingly paranoid Fred Phelps becomes convinced God may be a fag
  • 2013: Phelps excommunicated after advocating for more compassionate hatred
  • 1955-2014: Gets a whole lot of undeserved attention

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