adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
End Of Section
  • More News

Home Sales Dropping

For the third straight month, sales on preexisting homes dropped, leading realtors to call it a "buyer's market." Here are some strategies sellers are using to entice buyers:

  • Dropping price by 50 bucks
  • Carrying around wad of money; acting like owning this house got them that money
  • Pointing out dishwasher several times
  • Explaining to potential buyers how fulfilling it is to make mortgage payment on time
  • Telling long, touching story about how grandmother needs $312,500 for kidney operation
  • Letting third blouse button go
  • Drowning out sound of noisy furnace with soulful vocals of Michael McDonald
  • Reassuring buyers that people purchase things they can't afford all the time
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close