The Onion News Network investigates the dangerous tradition of Fall Break parties where college students chug maple syrup and strip down to their long underwear.
Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:
- Step 1: Prospective parents try and fail to produce children the way God intended.
- Step 2: Find an agency you trust. Make sure it is licensed, accredited, and won’t try to upsell you on quadruplets.
- Step 3: Specify what type of adoption you’re looking for, such as star quarterback or violin prodigy.
- Step 4: Grasp the sides with open palms and apply pressure. The ideal child should be firm, but not bumpy.
- Step 5: After settling on a child, a DNA test is ordered to confirm that candidates are not already the biological parents.
- Step 6: Parents arrange a time to be home to sign for the delivery of the baby.
- Step 7: Show your friends with rescue dogs who really cares.
- Step 8: Decide if it’s important for your family to be open about your child’s adoption, or if you’re holding onto that nugget for when they really piss you off as a teenager.