adBlockCheck

Tips

How To Start A Community Garden

A community gardening project is a good way to spur neighborhood involvement, but it requires careful planning and logistics. Here are The Onion’s tips for starting a community garden:

Tips For Writing A Research Paper

Students at every level of the education system are required to write the occasional research paper, and some might wonder where to begin. The Onion provides some tips for writing a stellar paper:

Home Repair Tips

When projects need to be completed around the house, calling contractors can be expensive. Here are The Onion’s tips for do-it-yourself home repairs:

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

How To Throw The Perfect Surprise Party

A surprise party is a nice gesture for a friend or family member, but pulling one off requires careful planning and commitment. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing a surprise party:
End Of Section
  • More News

How To Arrange A Funeral

Losing a loved one can send mourners into a haze of emotion, and funeral planning can seem like a daunting task amidst one’s grief. Here is The Onion’s step-by-step guide to making funerary preparations:

  • Step 1: Schedule a consultation with the mortician to choose between an all-natural look or a subtle, smoky eye.
  • Step 2: A funeral director provides insight on the relative benefits of an open, closed, or translucent-casket service.
  • Step 3: Definitely score a few of those car flags that let you run red lights.
  • Step 4: Brainstorm a fun, tasteful funeral hashtag.
  • Step 5: Create a photo collage to display at the ceremony. If there aren’t enough recent pictures, simply snap a few new ones.
  • Step 6: Set up a guest book at the wake so interested grievers can sign up for your weekly newsletter.
  • Step 7: Hit ’em hard with John 14:27, keep ’em grieving with some Isaiah 41:10 and Matthew 5:4, and then—BAM!—drop Psalm 23 out of nowhere.
  • Step 8: Prepare the optimal eulogy by inserting exactly three lighthearted jokes, four touching memories, two important lessons learned, and one confident guess as to how the deceased would want everyone to feel today.
  • Step 9: Use the influx of sympathy casseroles from friends and neighbors to construct a touching memorial obelisk.


More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close