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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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How Climate Change Will Affect You

According to a United Nations climate report released last week, the world must cut its carbon emissions drastically by 2020 or face an increase in global temperature of 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit or more by the end of the century. Here’s how global warming will affect daily life if major action is not taken:

  • Ignoring dire UN reports on climate change will take twice as much effort
  • Constant nightly excitement of hearing about which species went extinct that day
  • Increased use of broken air conditioners as major plot devices in movies
  • Canteen contents replaced with sand
  • Casual summer flings may turn into serious long-term relationships
  • Most of day spent daydreaming about vacation to beautiful, temperate Winnipeg
  • There will only be one or two more James Bonds, tops
  • Perpetual enjoyable sense of smug “told-you-so” satisfaction over former climate change skeptics as you each claw at each other over precious matchbooks and the discarded plastic items now used as currency
  • Not at all if you time your death just right
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