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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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How Climate Change Will Affect You

According to a United Nations climate report released last week, the world must cut its carbon emissions drastically by 2020 or face an increase in global temperature of 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit or more by the end of the century. Here’s how global warming will affect daily life if major action is not taken:

  • Ignoring dire UN reports on climate change will take twice as much effort
  • Constant nightly excitement of hearing about which species went extinct that day
  • Increased use of broken air conditioners as major plot devices in movies
  • Canteen contents replaced with sand
  • Casual summer flings may turn into serious long-term relationships
  • Most of day spent daydreaming about vacation to beautiful, temperate Winnipeg
  • There will only be one or two more James Bonds, tops
  • Perpetual enjoyable sense of smug “told-you-so” satisfaction over former climate change skeptics as you each claw at each other over precious matchbooks and the discarded plastic items now used as currency
  • Not at all if you time your death just right
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