Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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How Coca-Cola Can Improve Sales

Despite spending millions to sponsor the FIFA World Cup and its recent “Share A Coke” campaign, beverage maker Coca-Cola has reported weak sales during the first half of the year. Here are some options the multi-billion-dollar company is considering to improve sales and win back its customers:

  • Plastic and aluminum containers to be replaced by more environmentally friendly burlap cans
  • Introducing no-fizz version to target flat-cola drinkers
  • Expanding Coca-Cola distribution beyond four U.S. states where it is currently sold
  • Including free can of Coke inside every two-liter bottle of Coca-Cola
  • Reducing chunky Cola pulp by 50 percent
  • Growing sales of product by no longer telling consumers to share a Coke, but instead, to buy one of their own
  • Rebranding product as something you can pour on your body when you don’t feel sticky enough
  • Removing note on the side of the can that says “Shake Well”
  • Venturing beyond beverage market with new solid cola that’s eaten with a knife and fork
  • Being fucking happy that billions of dollars in profits are still being made

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