Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.

How Obamacare Can Be Improved

With Aetna just the latest health insurance provider to opt out of covering Obamacare markets, many are wondering what changes can make the Affordable Care Act more appealing to customers and insurance companies. Here are some proposed improvements

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content
End Of Section
  • More News

How Companies Are Going Green

As part of an effort to conserve resources and cultivate an eco-conscious image, many companies across the nation are adopting environmentally friendly business practices. Here are some ways that American corporations plan to go green:

  • McDonald’s: Gradually reducing the petroleum content of burger patties by 50 percent
  • Tribune Company: To save trees, Tribune Co. will eliminate newspaper print subscriptions by keeping exact same business model they currently practice
  • General Electric: Recycling bin in office
  • Ford: Slapping the prefix “eco” somewhere on future models
  • Staples: Standard copy paper to now be 2½ by 4 inches instead of wasteful 8½ by 11 inches
  • Fermilab: Installing hand cranks on all particle accelerators
  • Buffalo Wild Wings: In an effort that could save up to 20 gallons of water per person per day, employees banned from washing their hands after using restroom
  • Koch Industries: High-powered, energy-efficient lobbyists to be installed outside company headquarters

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.