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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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How Congress Plans To Boost Its Approval Rating

Following the government shutdown and the debt ceiling crisis, polling has showed that a record 85 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress. Here’s how the nation’s lawmakers are attempting to boost their dismal approval ratings:

  • Addressing all constituents as “master”
  • Free autographs for entire month of December
  • Trying even harder to defund Affordable Care Act
  • Touring the country performing live legislation sets based on audience suggestions
  • Each visitor to House or Senate gallery allowed to dump one 32-ounce soda onto congressman of their choice
  • Inviting legendary guitarist G.E. Smith to sit in on congressional sessions
  • Debuting smiling, lovable plush Bill-y the Legislator Alligator mascot who dances around the congressional chambers at all times
  • Passing even just one bill

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