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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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How Congress Plans To Boost Its Approval Rating

Following the government shutdown and the debt ceiling crisis, polling has showed that a record 85 percent of Americans disapprove of Congress. Here’s how the nation’s lawmakers are attempting to boost their dismal approval ratings:

  • Addressing all constituents as “master”
  • Free autographs for entire month of December
  • Trying even harder to defund Affordable Care Act
  • Touring the country performing live legislation sets based on audience suggestions
  • Each visitor to House or Senate gallery allowed to dump one 32-ounce soda onto congressman of their choice
  • Inviting legendary guitarist G.E. Smith to sit in on congressional sessions
  • Debuting smiling, lovable plush Bill-y the Legislator Alligator mascot who dances around the congressional chambers at all times
  • Passing even just one bill

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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