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How Corporations Avoid Paying Taxes

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Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

McDonald’s Announces New Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac

OAK BROOK, IL—Calling the new menu item a cool, refreshing way for consumers to finish their meals, McDonald’s officials introduced the Spearmint After-Dinner Big Mac during a press event Tuesday at the company’s corporate headquarters.

NicoDerm Introduces New Nicotine Eye Patch

PHILADELPHIA—Praising the product as an effective and convenient means of helping individuals quit smoking, pharmaceutical manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline announced Wednesday the release of its new NicoDerm eye patch.

Disney World Opens New Ordeal Kingdom For Family Meltdowns

BAY LAKE, FL—Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

Boss Wants Friendly, Relaxed Company Culture In Place By Friday

SAN MATEO, CA—Warning of severe consequences if he didn’t see results, Pantheon Digital Consulting COO Daniel Abelson, 59, told employees Monday he wants a relaxed, friendly company culture implemented by the end of the week, sources within the organization confirmed.

Coca-Cola Marketing Strategist Named New United States PR Laureate

WASHINGTON—In a ceremony at the White House this morning in which his work was praised for its unique contributions to the art of corporate communications, Coca-Cola marketing strategist Lawrence Shaffer was officially appointed as the new PR laureate of the United States, sources confirmed.
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How Corporations Avoid Paying Taxes

With Monday marking the income tax filing deadline in the U.S., there has been renewed interest in how some of the nation’s top corporations manage to pay just a small fraction of their earnings in taxes, sometimes owing nothing at all to the government. Here are some leading corporations’ tricks for minimizing their tax bills:

  • McDonald’s: Over 500 locations in major metropolitan areas classified as churches
  • Fisher-Price: Only employing war veterans
  • ExxonMobil: Investing in green technology by the hundreds of dollars
  • Nabisco: Claimed this year’s batch of Wheat Thins didn’t turn out well and lost the company millions, even though everyone knows this year’s batch was excellent
  • Hostess Brands: Chapter 11 bankruptcy
  • Kraft Foods: Underreporting net profits by claiming cost of producing each slice of cheese is $600,000
  • NBC: Consistently making and airing terrible programming that hasn’t earned company a single dollar in profit since 2003
  • The Boeing Company: Using 1040EZ form

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