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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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How Facebook Is Trying To Retain Users

Facebook executives recently admitted that younger teenagers are abandoning the site for newer mobile messaging and social sharing apps, while a study from earlier this year found that the social network lost 11 million active users overall in the U.S. and Britain. Here are some options Facebook is considering to retain its existing users and win back those who have defected:

  • Offering new users an enticing sign-up package of 10 free stock images and 50 starter friends
  • Adding a fun 15-second Facebook jingle that plays on a loop as long as the page is open
  • Opening a cool spot with refreshments in the Facebook headquarters basement just for teens
  • Giving everyone 10 bonus Sparkle Circus points
  • Attracting young users by creating fake profiles for such teen idols as Tony Hawk, Bob Burnquist, Rodney Mullen, and Bucky Lasek
  • Cool car will be digitally added to background of every profile photo
  • Posting a delicious new recipe every day
  • Maybe some more Christian Singles sidebar ads
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