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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent:

  • Step 1: First, come up with something really cool, like a cheese grater that works in both directions. Oh shit, don’t steal that one! That’s mine!
  • Step 2: Research the marketplace to find out if your idea is original or if some asshole has already stolen it from you
  • Step 3: Call dibs
  • Step 4: Assess the financial potential of your invention by determining if it can be concisely summed up in a commercial jingle
  • Step 5: Before submitting your application, carefully review patent legal documents, occasionally stopping to nod your head as if you understand what they mean
  • Step 6: Patent and Trademark Office employees all have a good laugh
  • Step 7: Wait one to two decades
  • Step 8: Order several thousand pens with your invention’s name on them
  • Step 9: Come to terms with the fact that your financial future depends on your ability to market your product to people who buy whatever Peyton Manning and anthropomorphic wads of mucus tell them to
  • Step 10: Congratulations! You’re now legally allowed to funnel your life savings into getting your life’s work onto Dollar Tree shelves.
  • Step 11: Spend remainder of bitter, unnaturally truncated life filing lawsuits to protect patent

More from this section

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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