How Obamacare’s Health Insurance Exchanges Work

Top Headlines

Recent News

New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Ranking Women Somehow Not Issue In Miss USA Debacle

NEW YORK—As backlash against the Miss USA pageant continues to spread following controversial anti-immigration remarks made by the contest’s owner, Donald Trump, sources confirmed this week that the overt ranking of women is somehow not a part of the ongoing nationwide outrage.

Insurance Only Covers Generic Heart Transplant

GALLATIN, TN—Saying he will just have to trust that the new organ he receives is as good as the other options out there, local man Keith Palmero confirmed Tuesday that his insurance provider would only cover a generic heart for his upcoming transplant surgery.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

How Obamacare’s Health Insurance Exchanges Work

As part of the implementation of President Obama’s signature Affordable Care Act, private health insurance exchanges are being rolled out on Oct. 1 as a means for citizens to obtain medical coverage. Here are some helpful answers to the most common questions about these exchanges:

What will the health insurance options cover?

Under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act, all plans are required to provide essential health benefits, which include any laboratory tests on knees, full outpatient knee care, and 24-hour knee monitoring.

What will these plans cost?

The price of liberty, freedom, and the American way of life.

Who is eligible to receive insurance via these exchanges?

Definitely not Nana. In fact, you’re better off just saying goodbye to Nana now and getting it over with.

Who provides the insurance?

Walmart.

Will I be able to see any doctor I want?

No, your physician is Dr. Michael Possin. Call his office for an appointment.

Will my spouse be covered?

Carol said yes? Oh my God, congratulations!

What will happen to my medical records?

Patients’ privacy is taken very seriously under the Affordable Care Act. As such, your medical records can only be seen by you, your doctor, and President Obama.

I am a partially deaf 34-year-old man. I am extremely self-conscious and have trouble meeting women and making friends in general. I am very lonely. Should I buy insurance through the exchange?

Yes.

What if I am already covered by health insurance at work?

Well, I hate to say it, but we just got the word from Denise in HR: You’ve been let go. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

How will my day-to-day life be affected under this plan?

Imagine a world with one big safety net there to catch you. Now get out there and buy that motorcycle!

Next Story