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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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How Obamacare’s Health Insurance Exchanges Work

As part of the implementation of President Obama’s signature Affordable Care Act, private health insurance exchanges are being rolled out on Oct. 1 as a means for citizens to obtain medical coverage. Here are some helpful answers to the most common questions about these exchanges:

What will the health insurance options cover?

Under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act, all plans are required to provide essential health benefits, which include any laboratory tests on knees, full outpatient knee care, and 24-hour knee monitoring.

What will these plans cost?

The price of liberty, freedom, and the American way of life.

Who is eligible to receive insurance via these exchanges?

Definitely not Nana. In fact, you’re better off just saying goodbye to Nana now and getting it over with.

Who provides the insurance?

Walmart.

Will I be able to see any doctor I want?

No, your physician is Dr. Michael Possin. Call his office for an appointment.

Will my spouse be covered?

Carol said yes? Oh my God, congratulations!

What will happen to my medical records?

Patients’ privacy is taken very seriously under the Affordable Care Act. As such, your medical records can only be seen by you, your doctor, and President Obama.

I am a partially deaf 34-year-old man. I am extremely self-conscious and have trouble meeting women and making friends in general. I am very lonely. Should I buy insurance through the exchange?

Yes.

What if I am already covered by health insurance at work?

Well, I hate to say it, but we just got the word from Denise in HR: You’ve been let go. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

How will my day-to-day life be affected under this plan?

Imagine a world with one big safety net there to catch you. Now get out there and buy that motorcycle!

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