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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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How Powerhouse Teams Came Up Short

The factors in the collapse of the Heat's supposedly unstoppable Big Three will be analyzed for a long time, and as we've seen in the past, juggernauts disappoint for many reasons.

  • 1980 Soviet national hockey team: Goal-rationing
  • 1990 Mike Tyson: Loses title bout to James ‘Buster’ Douglas in 10th-round knockout after Douglas discovers Tyson’s intense fear of getting punched a lot.
  • 2004 Los Angeles Lakers: Fail to see a letdown coming even after signing Gary Payton and Karl Malone, who say they want to lose one last championship before retiring
  • 2006 New York Mets: Despite their bloated $100 million payroll, the Mets struggle to produce in the NLCS as soon as they realize their uniforms say “Mets” on them
  • 2008 U.S. women’s national softball team: The American women enter the 2008 Olympic games having won… You know what, this one's not even worth it
  • 2007 Patriots: The undefeated Patriots, possibly the best football team ever assembled, lose the Super Bowl to the Giants and prove that you’re not guaranteed to win just because you have black hearts made of pure evil
  • 2010 New York Jets: Though they enter the season as favorites, their strategy of getting drunk, acting like assholes, and whining about everything fails to get the Jets into the Super Bowl
  • 1901-2011 New York Yankees: After spending billions of dollars on the best baseball players the world has to offer, the Yankees win only 27 titles in nearly 100 opportunities

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