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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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How Powerhouse Teams Came Up Short

The factors in the collapse of the Heat's supposedly unstoppable Big Three will be analyzed for a long time, and as we've seen in the past, juggernauts disappoint for many reasons.

  • 1980 Soviet national hockey team: Goal-rationing
  • 1990 Mike Tyson: Loses title bout to James ‘Buster’ Douglas in 10th-round knockout after Douglas discovers Tyson’s intense fear of getting punched a lot.
  • 2004 Los Angeles Lakers: Fail to see a letdown coming even after signing Gary Payton and Karl Malone, who say they want to lose one last championship before retiring
  • 2006 New York Mets: Despite their bloated $100 million payroll, the Mets struggle to produce in the NLCS as soon as they realize their uniforms say “Mets” on them
  • 2008 U.S. women’s national softball team: The American women enter the 2008 Olympic games having won… You know what, this one's not even worth it
  • 2007 Patriots: The undefeated Patriots, possibly the best football team ever assembled, lose the Super Bowl to the Giants and prove that you’re not guaranteed to win just because you have black hearts made of pure evil
  • 2010 New York Jets: Though they enter the season as favorites, their strategy of getting drunk, acting like assholes, and whining about everything fails to get the Jets into the Super Bowl
  • 1901-2011 New York Yankees: After spending billions of dollars on the best baseball players the world has to offer, the Yankees win only 27 titles in nearly 100 opportunities
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