adBlockCheck

Recent News

‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.
End Of Section
  • More News

How Recycling Works

With humans consuming an increasing amount of resources, the process of recycling has become more important than ever for protecting the planet. Here’s a breakdown of the process by which used products are converted into new materials:

  • Step 1: Sanitation employees come to collect the contents of recycling bins every Thursday—or is it Mondays? Whatever, just put it out there; somebody will deal with it
  • Step 2: Some fucking stray dog or something gets into your recycling bin and makes a huge mess
  • Step 3: Families gather around their recyclables to say goodbye
  • Step 4: Material is transported to the sanitation plant by a fleet of massive gas-guzzling trucks
  • Step 5: After trucks arrive at the collection station, officials will personally sign off for each recyclable to verify they have arrived safely
  • Step 6: More clattering than you can possibly imagine
  • Step 7: Perfectly good plastic containers are fished out of bins, lightly rinsed, and shipped back to delis to be refilled with food
  • Step 8: All soup cans are sent to a separate facility to be repurposed as pencil holders or stacked and bound to make stilts
  • Step 9: Material cycles clockwise through three stations in accordance with international recycling symbol
  • Step 10: Dow Chemical Co. dumps 80,000 pounds of uranium and vanadium into toxic disposal sites, offsetting the previous day’s efforts by several orders of magnitude
  • Step 11: Recycling plant employees offer strained smiles while a fifth-grade class takes a field trip
  • Step 12: Percentage of items too depressingly small to think about recycled into new materials
  • Step 13: A post-consumer sticky note is born!

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close