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How Recycling Works

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Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Brita Unveils New In-Throat Water Filters

OAKLAND, CA—Representatives from Brita, the nation’s bestselling brand of household water filtration products, held a press event Wednesday to unveil a new line of filters designed to be installed directly inside users’ throats.

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On

BOSTON—Identifying a significant factor contributing to the development of the mental health disorder, researchers from Harvard Medical School published a groundbreaking study Thursday that reportedly links clinical depression to getting dunked on.

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.
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How Recycling Works

With humans consuming an increasing amount of resources, the process of recycling has become more important than ever for protecting the planet. Here’s a breakdown of the process by which used products are converted into new materials:

  • Step 1: Sanitation employees come to collect the contents of recycling bins every Thursday—or is it Mondays? Whatever, just put it out there; somebody will deal with it
  • Step 2: Some fucking stray dog or something gets into your recycling bin and makes a huge mess
  • Step 3: Families gather around their recyclables to say goodbye
  • Step 4: Material is transported to the sanitation plant by a fleet of massive gas-guzzling trucks
  • Step 5: After trucks arrive at the collection station, officials will personally sign off for each recyclable to verify they have arrived safely
  • Step 6: More clattering than you can possibly imagine
  • Step 7: Perfectly good plastic containers are fished out of bins, lightly rinsed, and shipped back to delis to be refilled with food
  • Step 8: All soup cans are sent to a separate facility to be repurposed as pencil holders or stacked and bound to make stilts
  • Step 9: Material cycles clockwise through three stations in accordance with international recycling symbol
  • Step 10: Dow Chemical Co. dumps 80,000 pounds of uranium and vanadium into toxic disposal sites, offsetting the previous day’s efforts by several orders of magnitude
  • Step 11: Recycling plant employees offer strained smiles while a fifth-grade class takes a field trip
  • Step 12: Percentage of items too depressingly small to think about recycled into new materials
  • Step 13: A post-consumer sticky note is born!

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