WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.
Here are The Onion’s tips for discussing the difficult topic of racism with your child.
- If you’re having trouble finding the right entry point to the topic, wait a couple hours for some new national tragedy to spur the discussion.
- Be sure to provide your child with the full historical context surrounding racism, beginning with American slavery and ending with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
- They’ll value your honesty. Both “I don’t know” and “Christ, I said I don’t know, Taylor!” are perfectly valid answers to their questions.
- Invite a Chinese stranger to your home and have your children sit next to them on the couch until they feel at ease. Repeat for all other races.
- Remind kids it’s okay to notice ethnicity as long as you avoid talking about it until you get in the car.
- Don’t forget to unconsciously impart all of your racial biases during the discussion.
- Go ahead and slip in some admonitions in favor of safe sex and responsible driving if the opportunity arises.
- If your child is upset or uncomfortable, rest assured that you’ve conveyed the situation to them fully and accurately.