CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.
Here are The Onion’s tips for discussing the difficult topic of racism with your child.
- If you’re having trouble finding the right entry point to the topic, wait a couple hours for some new national tragedy to spur the discussion.
- Be sure to provide your child with the full historical context surrounding racism, beginning with American slavery and ending with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
- They’ll value your honesty. Both “I don’t know” and “Christ, I said I don’t know, Taylor!” are perfectly valid answers to their questions.
- Invite a Chinese stranger to your home and have your children sit next to them on the couch until they feel at ease. Repeat for all other races.
- Remind kids it’s okay to notice ethnicity as long as you avoid talking about it until you get in the car.
- Don’t forget to unconsciously impart all of your racial biases during the discussion.
- Go ahead and slip in some admonitions in favor of safe sex and responsible driving if the opportunity arises.
- If your child is upset or uncomfortable, rest assured that you’ve conveyed the situation to them fully and accurately.