adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

How The Government Shutdown Could End

As the government shutdown nears a full week, neither house of Congress appears ready to budge. Here are some ways the standoff could be resolved:

  • American public takes to streets and overthrows existing government following two unbearable weeks without access to the National Gallery of Art
  • Depending on the kind of person you are, with a whole bunch of poor people either getting exactly what they deserve or becoming victims of a cold and heartless system
  • With simple vote, whenever lobbyists give go-ahead to do so
  • It’s conceivable that the Capitol building could collapse and kill everyone inside if high-powered explosives were to be planted at key structural weaknesses throughout the rotunda
  • Boehner’s doe-eyed niece plaintively asks why she can’t go to Cuyahoga Valley National Park and see the bears
  • Maybe a press release
  • When we realize we had the power to end it all along, but we had to learn to believe in ourselves
  • Asteroid 658 Eugenia
  • Boehner and Obama lock eyes, kiss passionately, and realize their love is bigger than any problems between them
  • Almost certainly with Ted Cruz proclaiming victory

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close