How To Become An Internet Music Sensation

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Vol 47 Issue 10

NHL Ref Likes It When He Gets To Jump Over Puck

CHICAGO—Fifteen-year veteran NHL official Michael Lussenhop confirmed in an interview Sunday that the most satisfying part of his job is when he's backed into a corner and has to grab the boards to leap over the puck to keep from interfering with th...

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Messages of support for GOP candidate Mike Brant have been flooding our inbox. Here's a small sampling: "We don't need leaders who went to good schools or have experience in government or can name their own state's capitol. We need leaders like Mik...

Report: Danny Ainge Got Tons Of Pussy At BYU

PROVO, UT—Following BYU's dismissal of one of its basketball players for having premarital sex with his girlfriend, teammates of former BYU star Danny Ainge confirmed Friday that the shooting guard got shitloads of pussy when he was enrolled at the ...
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How To Become An Internet Music Sensation

More and more, bands are recording, releasing, and promoting their music at home using their own computers. Here are some ways a burgeoning musician can make a splash on the Internet:

  • Take advice from your video's helpful YouTube comments section
  • Use GarageBand or another sound-editing application to make your voice sound hilariously deep. People love to laugh!
  • Justin Bieber is only 17; he probably has time to check out your video if you tweet at him
  • Earn your credentials as an online hard rocker by getting wasted at your computer and trashing a hotel's comments page
  • Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music
  • These days, interacting with your fans is paramount—consider naming all the tracks on your new album after your 12 YouTube subscribers
  • Is everyone you know a fan of your band on Facebook, Myspace, Tumblr, Twitter, and Blogger? If they aren't, spend as much time as possible building that following and rest assured, coming up with songs with an actual chorus will follow
  • Be an innovator, whatever the fuck that means
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