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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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How To Become An Internet Music Sensation

More and more, bands are recording, releasing, and promoting their music at home using their own computers. Here are some ways a burgeoning musician can make a splash on the Internet:

  • Take advice from your video's helpful YouTube comments section
  • Use GarageBand or another sound-editing application to make your voice sound hilariously deep. People love to laugh!
  • Justin Bieber is only 17; he probably has time to check out your video if you tweet at him
  • Earn your credentials as an online hard rocker by getting wasted at your computer and trashing a hotel's comments page
  • Marrying into Coldplay has long been an acceptable way to break into music
  • These days, interacting with your fans is paramount—consider naming all the tracks on your new album after your 12 YouTube subscribers
  • Is everyone you know a fan of your band on Facebook, Myspace, Tumblr, Twitter, and Blogger? If they aren't, spend as much time as possible building that following and rest assured, coming up with songs with an actual chorus will follow
  • Be an innovator, whatever the fuck that means

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