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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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How Trump Continues To Lead The Polls

Recent polls indicate that, despite public outcry against his incendiary comments on women and minorities, Donald Trump is still the leading Republican candidate. Here are some reasons Trump stays so popular with his supporters:

  • Highly relatable lack of qualifications for holding government office
  • Americans’ appreciation for classic underdog story of man who started with only several hundred million dollars and went on to make several billion dollars
  • Only candidate to publicly state willingness to make America great again
  • Exploits other Republican candidates’ weaknesses by allowing them to open their mouths and speak on issues
  • Very, very handsome
  • Voters eager to see presidential library with three infinity pools and rooftop driving range
  • Bolstered by impassioned endorsement from Donald Trump
  • Eccentric, megalomaniac billionaire still more relatable to average American than anyone willing to dedicate life to politics
  • Appeals to widespread desire to see nation implode sooner rather than later

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