How Twitter Is Trying To Retain Users

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Vol 50 Issue 19

Sports Drink Company Putting First Advertisement On Moon

Japanese pharmaceutical company Otsuka has announced plans to put their sports drink Pocari Sweat on the moon in a specially equipped container bearing their logo, which, if successful, would be the first time a commercial product has been flown to the mo...

Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper

SANTA ROSA, CA—Noting the 51-year-old’s increasingly flushed complexion, wide and intense eyes, and slow, heavy breathing during an argument Friday morning, local siblings Jeff and Katie Russell told reporters that their father, Dave Russell, ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Business

How Twitter Is Trying To Retain Users

Twitter’s stock price has fallen in recent months amid growing concerns that the microblogging site is losing steam among users and having trouble finding a mainstream audience. Here are some ways the social network is planning to stay relevant, competitive, and attractive to new members:

  • Site to be made more PalmPilot-friendly
  • Racial slurs no longer factored into available number of characters
  • Removing cumbersome password protection to help users sign into their accounts quickly and easily
  • Getting a few celebrities to use Twitter
  • 400 new followers gifted to anyone who doesn’t openly make the internet worse with every tweet
  • More powerful content delivery engine that allows users to tweet up to 5,000 times a second
  • The date users wished they had never joined Twitter now displayed alongside biographical information and location
  • Twitter employees encouraging family members to sign up
  • Users can now share Excel spreadsheets
  • Improving Twitter feeds by removing all exposure to thoughts and opinions of others
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