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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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How Virtual Reality Will Change Our Lives

Here are some potential ways that Oculus Rift and other virtual reality technologies will affect our lives.

  • Pornography: New 360-degree pornographic films will allow viewers to pan all around the bed and across the room to where cameramen and boom mic operators are standing
  • Education: Students will have access to wealth of new interactive visual aids that won’t be updated for the next 50 years
  • Business: Provides another medium that CEO won’t understand but will demand be wedged into the new marketing campaign by June
  • VR Industry: Potential to see moderate growth in this sector
  • Tourism: Could very well grind to screeching halt once travelers realize they can experience Liberty Bell from comfort of own living room
  • Neck Pain: Cases of neck pain projected to triple in both volume and severity over the next five years
  • Music: Immersion in 360-degree drum kits will allow amateurs to thrash with increased sickness
  • Clamming: Virtual reality to have no discernible impact on clamming
  • Mental Health: Putting on a VR headset to discuss feelings of dissociation and detachment with a computer-generated avatar will be extremely quick and affordable

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