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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
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How Virtual Reality Will Change Our Lives

Here are some potential ways that Oculus Rift and other virtual reality technologies will affect our lives.

  • Pornography: New 360-degree pornographic films will allow viewers to pan all around the bed and across the room to where cameramen and boom mic operators are standing
  • Education: Students will have access to wealth of new interactive visual aids that won’t be updated for the next 50 years
  • Business: Provides another medium that CEO won’t understand but will demand be wedged into the new marketing campaign by June
  • VR Industry: Potential to see moderate growth in this sector
  • Tourism: Could very well grind to screeching halt once travelers realize they can experience Liberty Bell from comfort of own living room
  • Neck Pain: Cases of neck pain projected to triple in both volume and severity over the next five years
  • Music: Immersion in 360-degree drum kits will allow amateurs to thrash with increased sickness
  • Clamming: Virtual reality to have no discernible impact on clamming
  • Mental Health: Putting on a VR headset to discuss feelings of dissociation and detachment with a computer-generated avatar will be extremely quick and affordable

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