adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

How Will Michigan Rebound In 2009?

Following a terrible 3-9 outing in 2008, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez desperately needs the football team to win in 2009. What are the Wolverines doing to improve?

  • No longer complaining that the blue-colored jerseys are too heavy
  • Really hoping true freshman quarterback Tate Forcier hits that growth spurt before the first game
  • Making sure to call roster filled with mediocre players "depth"
  • Praying no one notices games scheduled against Ohio Tech and Nichigan State
  • No more sundae bar on sidelines
  • Have stopped recruiting guys just because they like the name Brandon
  • To build confidence and provide core strength, permitting players to have knees on ground for push-ups
  • Just keep in mind that the Champs Sports Bowl is a good bowl, too, okay?
  • Senior punter Zoltan Mesko needs to keep doin' his thang
  • No matter what, don't lose to Michigan, because they're a decrepit has-been shell of—oh right

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close