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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Comfort

  • Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

    ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Hubris In Sports

  • 1886: Always needing to be first, Ty Cobb pushes aside the baby that was supposed to come of his mother's vagina
  • 1919: Man o' War doesn't start running until 1:50 into the race
  • 1920: Cleveland shortstop Ray Chapman leans over the plate as though he were begging to be beaned in the head and killed on the ball field
  • 1997: Long thought of as an over-the-top disciplinarian, P.J. Carlesimo gets right in Latrell Sprewell's face and yells, "There is no way in the world that you would strangle me right now"
  • 1997: Prior to Game 5 of the NBA Finals against the Utah Jazz, Michael Jordan injects the flu into his body
  • 2003: With Game 7 of the ALCS tied in the 11th inning, Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield decides to finish off the unknown Aaron Boone with one of his signature floaters
  • 2008: Rather than punting like he should, Lions coach Rod Marinelli repeatedly goes for it on first down
  • 2009: Bill Simmons publishes 750-page book about basketball; the word "basketball" appears only 37 times in the text, whereas "Bill Simmons" appears 5,723 times
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